summer

so. 

not this last weekend but the weekend before.  i went to the isle of white with my parents. we stayed in the fantastic hotel called the northbank.  the north bank is what you want form an old hotel.  its unpretentious and knows it isn't flash. its run by an eccentric family. the father is a jolly basil faulty, the mother only will speak to you if you are regulars and even then she whispers as if she is to shy to talk out loud.  they have two sons one is rather fond of his drink and has a very scared face from an accident in his misspent youth.  the younger brother is in his 30s but looks about 10.  he is very enthusiastic and calming. 

it is no surprise then that in this hotel where there are no en suite bathrooms and old beds. people feel happy and rested. the other hotel down the street is rapidly loosing custom because it tries to hard to be a swanky hotel.  where we were, they don't give a damn about what you think of them and as a result you become very fond of them. 

one morning at breakfast the father placed our toast on the table and said "there you go, MULTIRACIAL TOAST! can't be too careful these days" and disappeared into another room. i think for the rest of our lives, brown toast and white toast will be referred to in this way. 

we saw our house. it nearing the final stages, which makes the small mistakes even worse and more significant.  from the start we have clearly stated that we wanted things to flow smoothly. so imagine how furious mum was when she discovered that no one had thought about how the different flooring would inevitably be different heights. it's the simplest things. You want a smooth transition and instead you're told "oh yeah there be a 10mm step down we'll just cap the edge" no that wont do. thats not exactly smooth is it. 

anyway. after the weekend we went to my uncles. i love his house it was the house he shared with my granny and the house my granny inherited from HER mother who was given it as a gift from a wealthy uncle. it used to be a barn and was one of the first barn conversions in the country.  i had a bit of a cold but decided to say an extra day and help my uncle with the hedges. i stayed until Tuesday afternoon.  long story short I'm only now (a week and a half later) recovering from the cold. i missed a dear friends shindig/gig/party because of it when i told her i wouldn't make it. her response was "don't worry i had a summer cold recently and it lasted forever these things do in summer." 

and that got me thinking. winter is seen as the dead part of the year where its cold and nothing save the evergreens grows. but you know what? 

in the winter my colds last two days and then I'm fine. in the cold my family and i huddle round the fire reading and talking. in winter we crunch through snow and giggle and laugh and build snowmen.  in the summer?

in the summer we are all over the place holidaying in separate places going to festivals, suffering from hay-fever or asthma. in summer my parents are told that they aren't allowed to be in their own house with out a builder or project manager present. in summer i have wasps dive bombing me fighting for my lunch. the other week someone online told me to kill myself. no doubt the twit had spent to long out in the sun got sunburnt and decided to take it out on me. 

so the summer isn't as fun as we fool ourselves into thinking. and yet. you can't help loving it. 

this has been a long rant. but i felt like ranting so i did. 

hope everyones having a nice summer :D 

argh! oh dear.

my computer got hacked. someone is apparently trying to 'steal' my 'identity'  

thats annoying.  but heres the thing. when some one steals our identity don't they just take all your accounts and use all your money? 

yeah good luck with that you jobbie's.  i have like $2 in total. and one account thats online oh wait no maybe my gym membership is run online. and THAT you are welcome to bitch.  

anyway drama over.  

I'm finally getting it into my head that i need some form of a job.  any kind of a job. I'm going to be 24 in just under a month and I'm still living at home, I'm still unemployed and. well the way things are going with the tories in power if i don't get a job soon the government will probably just chuck me in a wood chipper and bury me with the rest of the unemployed. 

oh yeah! seriously people. as bad as you think we had it when labour was in power please don't forget the RIOTS that happened when the conservatives were in power. they tore the country down and left labour to mend everything.  and for the most part the did ok. THEY didn't cause the recession others did they just didn't handle it well. it really annoys me what the conservatives are starting to do. 

right ranting is over. 

oh friends, why are friends always far better looking with less effort? thats not fair i think they should be forced to eat more. tangent i wonder if there's such a thing as plus sized male models. 

love

love to me.

is often overlooked and the word is over used.
i hear people say "i just love dogs" and i think no you dont. you like dogs but theres probably only one (your pet or a pet from the past) which you love.

love is acceptance of all the little anoying things, and there are many in every relationship be it a partner a pet or a friend.
love is refreshing.
again you hear the phrase "burning love" and "love burned brightly" but the few times i've been in love with someone. it hasn't burnt.

my love for my family and friends doesn't burn. to burn is to wither into ash.

theres 2 old scotish clan mottos that sum up love for me



"dulcius ex asperis (sweeter after dificulties)" and "luceo non uro (i shine, not burn)"

quotes.

do you ever find yourself  using quotes?  just dropping them into conversation.  

i was almost run over once as a gar tried to jump a red light. i remember slamming my fists on the bonnet and yelling in a new york accent "hey I'm WALKIN' here!" exactly how dustin hoffman does in that film.

 i remember getting cut quite badly once and the teacher was screaming and the friend who had accidentally cut me was freaking out and fussing.  

again.  i remember brushing my friend aside and saying "tis but  scratch" quoting monty python.  suddenly no one was panicking or freaking out.  we were to busy laughing. 

so again .  do you use quotes?  i know i do.  why not use witty quotes to brighten the mood and releave the tension?  next time your stuck for words. use a quote. its ok.  better than not saying anything. 

incidents and hapenings 1

ok so i know theres probably no one reading this but hello0 if you are.
i've come to realise that there are moments in my life, and i'm sure yours, which seam to come right out of a sitcom or movie. SO i've decided i have no pride and from now on when ever something random happens or embaresing. i'm going to write about it. write it down on hear for you to laugh at. hopefully.
so first entry.




The other day i was walking along the river infront of my kayaking club. when one of the very atractive kayakers who i know of but don't know waved at me and said. "hello Tom"
fine yes? thats normal. only i didn't even know he knew my name and when i say very atractive i mean VERRRRRRRRRRRRY atractive and hes a good kayaker i found myselfthinking and wanting to say
"HelloWillYouMarryMe?TeachMeHowToKayak.IWantYourBodyNoNotLikeThatMaybeLikeThatNo.IWantToLookLikeYou"
i managed not to say that but instead yelled , yes yelled, hi then ranway, literally i ran way.
oh dear, and i'm fairly cirtain he now thinks i'm whimsicle in the Brainpan.



and that ladies and gents is incident one. staytuned for my next mishap :D

middle of somewhere

there is a line in a book i like verry much called boy meets boy. i dont like it because its about gays. because its not. its about friends some of whom are gay. anyway i'm going on a tangent. theres a line. that goes somethign like "alot of people say they live in the middle of nowhere. but right now, i feel like i live inthe midle of some where"

i thought of that line today. alot of people compalin that where i liv has got too expencisive or is to devided the rich up onthe hill and in mansions the middle class in old terriced houses andthe poor in grotty greay council flats. but they are wrong. in my street alone you have the chissildjawed blond hair blue eyed american family living next door to the smileing happy black family. you have chinese resteraunt owners who are better spoken that their naighbors. you have a rehabilitation half way house next door to the young familys house. and you have them talking to each other at the gate, you have the flat where the senile old hagger witch used to live. we loved her. she was mad but harmless. she would shout at you with her fauld teeth inone hand and a kit cat in the other.

you have the resurved 60 something couple living next door to the loveing devoted gay couple.
i feel like i live inthe middle of some where. my siblings got the bus to school. their busdriver was a transvestite. he wore glamourous make up and a blonde wig but kept his mostache they were never shocked. it was just another choice to them.
theres the barbour up the road who is either rushed off his feet or sitting around not doing anything. but each time i walk past his wndow he's got something new. a sofa for customours a coffe machine, stylish chairs, a tv. but regardless of being rushed off his feet or all alone. he always smiles at me as i walk past.

you have the beger who has one possession inthe world an old guitar. he just difts about the town spreading his musicle good vibes. you have the othetr begger, or is he a hermit. who sits under the brige at the river watchign the world go by. some shun him. if i had money i'd give it to him but as it is all i can do is say hello.

my town is an urban metropolis a miniture london onthe outskirts of the city. but it is also a rural iddle. where mothers feed the ducks with their kids. and friends have a pint of beer wile cooling themselves by dipping their feet in the river.

the other month it was a rainly day and there were some school kids. 13 14? on the way home. they lost one of the boys foot ball to the river and the ladd decided to walk in after it. now else where people would have ignord them. called them ghastly little horrors or given them an asbo.

here? in my town? an old man stopped and waited to make sure they were all right. i sugested they try and move it to the side with a long bit of wodd or a stick of some kind. as towards the side ther was an eddy whitch would slow the ball down. they got thair ball back and we all jaughed about it me the old man and hte kids. they thanked us and walked away. on that cold wet windy day. i was some where i was in the middle of some where.

say what you will about me and where i live. but you could never. NEVER say it was nowhere.

august mayhem

argh!

seriously! argh! how the hell did i manage it? I'm unemployed. boo hoo and all that.

but.

unemployment means i've had all year to do stuff and i have done the odd trip into town or gone to visit siblings at their flats in london. but i haven't DONE anything. i don't like being a couch potato but i woke up the other day to the realisation that that is what i have become. how ghastly.

so

we come back to the argh. this month. starting tomorrow i sem to have a hectic month.

tomorrow i have to catch a train to wales where i will be stewarding at a jazz festival for the weekend. thing is. i have never been to where the festival is. its hard to get to. i STILL haven't managed to contact the person i'm meant to be staying with. so today i have to try extra hard. oh and he's the boyfriend of a friend who i have only met a couple of times. but hey it sounds like it's going to be awesome and killer fun.

then on monday i have to get up crack of dawn to get a bus to get a train to get a train to get a train. yes you counted correctly one bus three trains. fun huh? the reason i'm doing this is because im going to my uncles for a week he is ill. he has a problem with his skin. it causes him a great amount of pain. he has had it a year and is only just no going in for atch tests. my birthday happens this week but we are putting it off till next week end.

on the 22nd a verry close friend whose mother refers to us as her 'english cousins' and who i call my god sister is getting married so we are all rushing off to that. we are all very excited. but she is american and as such there will be rehersal dinner. my pairents have decided that my siblings and i should sing a song for her. which we do do for big occaisions. my siblings sang a song for me when i left on my gap year we sang a song for my godmthers 25th wedding anerversary. the thing i have neglected to mention is we wrtie the lyrics. i have been charged with writeing the lyrics. no pressure then lol.

then pretty much as soon as we have come down from the wedding we are off again.

sorry had to vent. all are nice things dont get me wrong. but they seam to all be happening at the same time one on top of another. and i'm feeling like i used to. and thats not good because when i used to feellike this i'd snap and run away or start on a path of selfdestruction. so i'm tryign to step back and take a deep breath.