middle of somewhere

there is a line in a book i like verry much called boy meets boy. i dont like it because its about gays. because its not. its about friends some of whom are gay. anyway i'm going on a tangent. theres a line. that goes somethign like "alot of people say they live in the middle of nowhere. but right now, i feel like i live inthe midle of some where"

i thought of that line today. alot of people compalin that where i liv has got too expencisive or is to devided the rich up onthe hill and in mansions the middle class in old terriced houses andthe poor in grotty greay council flats. but they are wrong. in my street alone you have the chissildjawed blond hair blue eyed american family living next door to the smileing happy black family. you have chinese resteraunt owners who are better spoken that their naighbors. you have a rehabilitation half way house next door to the young familys house. and you have them talking to each other at the gate, you have the flat where the senile old hagger witch used to live. we loved her. she was mad but harmless. she would shout at you with her fauld teeth inone hand and a kit cat in the other.

you have the resurved 60 something couple living next door to the loveing devoted gay couple.
i feel like i live inthe middle of some where. my siblings got the bus to school. their busdriver was a transvestite. he wore glamourous make up and a blonde wig but kept his mostache they were never shocked. it was just another choice to them.
theres the barbour up the road who is either rushed off his feet or sitting around not doing anything. but each time i walk past his wndow he's got something new. a sofa for customours a coffe machine, stylish chairs, a tv. but regardless of being rushed off his feet or all alone. he always smiles at me as i walk past.

you have the beger who has one possession inthe world an old guitar. he just difts about the town spreading his musicle good vibes. you have the othetr begger, or is he a hermit. who sits under the brige at the river watchign the world go by. some shun him. if i had money i'd give it to him but as it is all i can do is say hello.

my town is an urban metropolis a miniture london onthe outskirts of the city. but it is also a rural iddle. where mothers feed the ducks with their kids. and friends have a pint of beer wile cooling themselves by dipping their feet in the river.

the other month it was a rainly day and there were some school kids. 13 14? on the way home. they lost one of the boys foot ball to the river and the ladd decided to walk in after it. now else where people would have ignord them. called them ghastly little horrors or given them an asbo.

here? in my town? an old man stopped and waited to make sure they were all right. i sugested they try and move it to the side with a long bit of wodd or a stick of some kind. as towards the side ther was an eddy whitch would slow the ball down. they got thair ball back and we all jaughed about it me the old man and hte kids. they thanked us and walked away. on that cold wet windy day. i was some where i was in the middle of some where.

say what you will about me and where i live. but you could never. NEVER say it was nowhere.

august mayhem

argh!

seriously! argh! how the hell did i manage it? I'm unemployed. boo hoo and all that.

but.

unemployment means i've had all year to do stuff and i have done the odd trip into town or gone to visit siblings at their flats in london. but i haven't DONE anything. i don't like being a couch potato but i woke up the other day to the realisation that that is what i have become. how ghastly.

so

we come back to the argh. this month. starting tomorrow i sem to have a hectic month.

tomorrow i have to catch a train to wales where i will be stewarding at a jazz festival for the weekend. thing is. i have never been to where the festival is. its hard to get to. i STILL haven't managed to contact the person i'm meant to be staying with. so today i have to try extra hard. oh and he's the boyfriend of a friend who i have only met a couple of times. but hey it sounds like it's going to be awesome and killer fun.

then on monday i have to get up crack of dawn to get a bus to get a train to get a train to get a train. yes you counted correctly one bus three trains. fun huh? the reason i'm doing this is because im going to my uncles for a week he is ill. he has a problem with his skin. it causes him a great amount of pain. he has had it a year and is only just no going in for atch tests. my birthday happens this week but we are putting it off till next week end.

on the 22nd a verry close friend whose mother refers to us as her 'english cousins' and who i call my god sister is getting married so we are all rushing off to that. we are all very excited. but she is american and as such there will be rehersal dinner. my pairents have decided that my siblings and i should sing a song for her. which we do do for big occaisions. my siblings sang a song for me when i left on my gap year we sang a song for my godmthers 25th wedding anerversary. the thing i have neglected to mention is we wrtie the lyrics. i have been charged with writeing the lyrics. no pressure then lol.

then pretty much as soon as we have come down from the wedding we are off again.

sorry had to vent. all are nice things dont get me wrong. but they seam to all be happening at the same time one on top of another. and i'm feeling like i used to. and thats not good because when i used to feellike this i'd snap and run away or start on a path of selfdestruction. so i'm tryign to step back and take a deep breath.